One year into my dizziness, a preacher/missionary with Rock of Ages came to our church to present his ministry. I was struggling to sit through services, so I had put a chair in the back of the auditorium so I could lean up against the wall. Bro. Jeff Bellamy shared how that while his wife dealt with cancer and other health issues, he had been discouraged about what they could do and where their ministry would go. But God spoke to his heart and showed him what he COULD do in the place they were in. He shared where God had brought their ministry from that dark place. And I don’t remember specific details, but these 5 words were etched into my head and on my heart. He said:
“Watch what God can do.”
I was hurting. So discouraged. Scared of the unknown. Useless. And here he was, telling me to watch what God can do. I wrote that phrase in my Bible and dated it. It all came full circle last night as I was trying to fall asleep. I was humming our new song, subconsciously, in my mind. ‘Look what God has done, I stand amazed to think of His love’…..Bro. Bellamy told me to watch what God can do and 6 years later my husband asks me, “What has God done for you?”
I don’t know how to share what all God has done without telling you. I’m afraid it will seem like I’m trying to lift myself or my family up, or my songwriting. I’m not. I say it all the time and I mean it with all my heart. I was a broken mess that Jesus chose to work through. Or maybe I allowed Him to. And maybe I only allowed Him to because there was nothing else I could do. So please, please don’t think that. I just want to scream it from the top of my lungs: LOOK WHAT GOD HAS DONE!
God brought my life to a screeching halt in 2015.
He brought me to a place where I was still and quiet so I could hear Him. Be near Him. Listen to His heartbeat. And survive only by leaning completely on Him.
He broke me so He could put me back together the way He wanted to. So He could shine through the cracks of this new vessel He was molding. So it would be unrecognizable as Faith York and instead be seen as Jesus Christ. (I’m not even close to that yet, no where near it. But the process has began, and it’s an extremely slow one because He has to consistently and constantly keep molding because I keep falling apart and messing up.)
And then He gave me my own set of songs in the night. I thought they were useless because why here? Why now? When I can’t sing them anywhere, no one can hear them, they are only for me.
Yes. For me. My lifeline to the Savior. Prayers I couldn’t speak. Answers that didn’t make sense, but came straight from a loving Father nonetheless.
A call to be an encourager. To share with others my pain and how the Lord was helping me. Rough song recordings compressed and sent via text or email with a prayer that God would use them to help another hurting soul.
A scary call to blog them, upload them. Even while swaying on a piano bench and sometimes pecking keys on the piano from the floor. Scribbles written through tears as God healed my heart, if not my physical condition.
I can’t tell you all He has done. I don’t know it all. I only know the glimpses he lets me see. Just enough to encourage me to keep going when I want to quit. When I want to say, “No more pain. I’d just rather be healed.” Messages out of the blue, from across the world, from strangers without a face but a heart that has felt the same pain. Asked the same questions. And found the same loving, faithful God. Videos of people singing my songs because the Lord has used my pain for His glory. Not one second of it has been wasted. Opportunities for my family to share what He has done with people we don’t know or have never met. A ministry forged from the darkest trial we have faced together.
I look at those words written at the bottom of my Bible and I see my family gathered around me singing LITERALLY about what God has done and I truly stand amazed to think of His love. I don’t deserve it. There’s NO WAY I could earn it. Eternity is not long enough to thank God for all He has done. Only He could do it.
This world can’t contain all He’s done. And we should try to tell it. And so I’m telling you today. I’m nothing special and what God has done for me, He can for you. Whatever you’re facing, whatever you’re struggling through, whatever doesn’t make sense in your life…..Watch what God can do. Because I promise you, whether it’s 6 days or 6 months or 6 years or later, one day you’ll be able to say: “LOOK WHAT GOD HAS DONE!”