If I’m being honest….

If I’m being honest, I haven’t been honest in a long time.

I’ve just been going through the motions. Faithful because I know I should be. Cold. Distant. Not wanting to be, but finding myself there anyway. All with a smile plastered across my face trying to be strong for everyone else. Running in circles, trying to do all the “spiritual things” and yet not really accomplishing anything for the kingdom of my Savior.

And now, we’re starting over. People are choosing words for the new year and organizing their homes and lives and purging all the STUFF.

And I’m just sitting staring at it all, tired. Weary. Wondering where in the world to begin.

I tried to pick a word. I kind of felt like I needed it to be “still”. But I wondered if it was just because I was so tired and wanted to rest. I tried to muster up the motivation to start fresh and new.

But I couldn’t.

Until the Lord whispered to my heart, “Why don’t you just be honest with me? Stop working out of duty and put your heart back in it.”

Ouch.

And so I was honest.

I’m tired from this journey. I’ve wanted to give up. The battle just keeps getting stronger, and some days I’m just not sure how much longer I can hold on. Some days, I’ve had enough.

You know what happened after I was honest with the Lord? A preacher preached a message on being still. Honestly. 🙂

God is our refuge.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.” Psalm 46:1-3

God has a rest.

“There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early. The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah. Come, behold the works of the Lord, what desolations he hath made in the earth. He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.” Psalm 46:4-9

We need a reflection.

“Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.” Psalm 46:10-11

-Bro. Steve Camp

‘Still’ here doesn’t mean what we think it does. The Hebrew word for still is Raphah. And it means to slacken; to draw toward, to weaken. To let go.

You can be physically still without letting go, without slackening your hold on things. You can be still and still hold everything so tightly. But here, God is telling us to let go. The exhortation is “Be still.” The commendation is “and know that I am God.”

I’ve been working, trying to serve, singing, helping, being faithful. But somewhere along the line, it started just being habit. Because I know I’m SUPPOSED to be doing that. Because there’s so much to do and no one to do it. And the Lord showed me I need to slacken. Not my works, but my grip. I need to not stray from my service, but draw toward Him. I don’t need to be strong. I need to be weak so He can be strong through me. I need to let go of what I think I need to do and do what He wants me to. And that’s to simply be still and know that HE IS GOD.

In Exodus 33, what lay ahead was too much for Moses. But God told him “there is a place by me.”

This journey is too much for me. But I’m thankful there is a place by the Savior. The Rock has been cleft for me. I’m a perfect fit.

Things still have to be done. People still need help and encouragement. Lost souls still need to be told about Jesus. That last mile of the journey still has to be traveled. But when we take the time to be still; to find our place by God; when we weaken our hold and slacken our will and draw toward Him, we find stillness. Rest. Peace. “An outward discipline means nothing without an inward devotion.” – Justin Higdon

An outward discipline is needful. We need to keep working for the Lord. But if we lose our inward devotion, it’s for naught. And I don’t want to be giving all I have physically and not have it backed by a heart fully devoted to the Lord.

We are weary and tired. But you know what happened when I was honest? The Lord showed me what I needed. To be still. To find my place by Him. And you know what He did? He lifted my head that had been bowed low under all the crushing pressure.

And if I’m being honest, He deserves my every breath. For hearing my cries for help. For saving my life from destruction.

The truth is, I’m not worthy of such love and mercy. And yet He just keeps pouring out His blessings on me.

So this year, what if we just started being honest? Because, there will always be something to drain our strength. There will always be trouble. There will always be days when our head is bowed low. But there will always, always, always be a Savior there to lift us up. A Shield. Our Glory. The Place where we can run and hide and just be still.

That’s so much more than enough to keep us going; if I’m being honest…

But thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head. I cried unto the Lord with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah.

Psalm 3:3-4

“If I’m Being Honest” by Faith York