“The more pieces God breaks you into, the more He can pass you out.” -Bro. Chris Hewett, 6-22-16
We had an ‘unplanned to us but planned by God’ revival in our church almost 2 months ago. And it all started on a Sunday night because no one had a song on their heart. Or at least, no one had a song on their heart so much that they wanted to get up and sing it. Yes, that was an unusual way for a revival to start, but God moved. God worked.
The man of God spoke the above quote to my husband and me, and I have been pondering on it ever since.
No one wants to be broken. Especially not into so many pieces that it seems you can’t even tell what you were to begin with. But as Christians we should be more concerned with what God wants. RIGHT?? Until He starts tearing down everything around you. Until you get to the breaking point and can’t take anymore. THEN, you want Him to stop. To make the pain go away. To make everything better. But sometimes that isn’t what God wants. And we can either fight against it or let Him pass out each piece by tiny piece.
I started this blog over a year ago. To record this journey that I’m on. So I could look back in my moments of doubt and see that God really was there. And that’s going to continue. If for no one else but me. (Hopefully it will help others along the way, but if not, that’s ok.)
I sit here thinking about where to start but it’s amazing to see how God works little things out for the whole big picture and it’s hard to know how to write it all down…..
~My husband has been working a lot of weekends and hasn’t been able to teach his Sunday School class. But for the past two weeks, he has been off and gotten to teach. And He has been teaching on priorities. I think he put it like, “God hit me over the head with what I was studying.” When you’ve been as busy as we have this summer, sometimes you get to thinking that your priorities are already made for you and you just have to roll with the punches. But that just isn’t so. We do what we want to do.
~Rewind back to the end of last year. I made a “priority” prayer list. Starting at my most pressing need down to what I thought was less pressing. Only I’ve been so caught up in praying for #1 that I’ve failed to see what God has been doing in other areas.
~For almost 5 years we have been praying about a work situation. But slowly and surely God has been showing us how He has worked it all out for the good. Even though we have hated (yes that’s a strong word) the situation, and it has been hard and stressful, it is right. What God wants. It has not been God’s will to change it. But His hand has been working. Protecting. Shielding us from more stress. Opening doors.
~My health issues have not been resolved and we got more disappointing news a month or so ago. Been praying fervently for that, but healing is not what God wants. For now. Still waiting to see how God is working this out. But discouragement and maybe even a little anger has made its way into my heart. And there have been times, I couldn’t pray. Didn’t really want to. Because God could fix this. But He hasn’t.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
The most quoted scripture during a hard time. During a trial. We know that all things work together for good. It’s just accepting it. It’s just trusting that it will.
God has re-arranged our priorities, our prayer list, our life. Sometimes I sit and think, but are you really working, God? Is my life, this trial, our family showing You to anyone? Are people sick of Faith? Cause Faith is sick of Faith. Is what I’m going through changing me for the better? For your glory? Or am I complaining too much for it to have an impact?
Can I share a secret with you? A deep down, -I really don’t want to feel this way, but I do- secret. Sometimes I want to be whole again and forget about God handing out pieces of my life. My heart hurts to feel that way. But my flesh says I am done. Please tell me I am not alone.
God sees more worth in a broken vessel than a whole one. Sometimes He has to tear down what I have made. Break it up. And re-build it the way He wants it.
What a good God He is. That’s what I want people to see. That He is good. He is good even though there is evil. He is good even though we sometimes don’t see it. He is good when everything is falling apart. He is always and only good.
He has answered prayers that we haven’t even prayed, but He knew it was what we needed. Some prayers it seems He has ignored. But we know better. We know. Some prayers He has answered and they were really the most important ones that needed to be priority anyway. We still don’t know exactly what God is doing. Where He is leading us. But through it all, He has given us enough glimpses of what He is trying to work in our lives, that we can continue to trust in His unfailing love and unending grace.
My prayer for healing still has not come. The little check box beside it is still empty. But the check marks beside all the other things under that on my prayer list remind me that God is still working. All things. For my good. And if the world sees only Him, that means more, so much more than being whole again.
I am not special, I am not one of God’s favorites, He doesn’t love me more than He does you. God wants to work in your life and answer your prayers too. Don’t give up. Write down your prayers. Date them. It may take years. We may never know what God was up to until we get to Heaven. But one thing is for sure, we will one day look back and think, “I wish I would have trusted Him more.”
Take a listen to “Whole Again” here: