Suffering but Seeking: Marsha Smith

I first met Marsha probably when she was visiting our church, but we found out later we had a lot in common. Like – singing, photography, love of food and the truth that chocolate is life. As she reminded me, our friendship really started at Panera over coffee, which I’m sure mine had a lot of sugar and some form of chocolate. I didn’t learn until much later that she had been dealing with dizziness as well. For far longer than I can imagine. It’s amazing who God chooses to allow in your life. He knows exactly who to place there to help you make it through your journey. I’m thankful for her friendship and that she “gets it.” Thank you, Marsha, for sharing your story here and for your prayers and encouragement to me.

I don’t know a single person who hasn’t experienced disappointments in their life. Some of us have deeper disappointments that linger day after day, year after year, situations that have been prayed over countless times with no change. I understand how hard that can be. For the past 16 years I’ve suffered with a “mystery illness”. I’m hopeful that one day doctors will figure out what’s happening to me and fix me but for now I’m left with periods where I’m bedridden, miserable and useless as a mother, wife, friend, as a person with a life out there waiting for me.

Your suffering may be different than mine but I’m sure we’ve both cried through countless nights. We both live realities that make us swallow back tears to get through the day. We’ve both lived disappointed that the promises we begged God for have yet to come to pass. In our private moments we want to scream about how unfair our suffering is… and then…there are moments when hope swells, moments when we pray honestly. Then there are moments when we know He is good in every situation. We are suffering but still seeking. We are hurting but still hopeful. Our hope doesn’t erase the reality of what we must go through each day but it does acknowledge the sovereignty of God. Our hope in Him can’t be tied to our suffering. Our hope must be tied to Him.

Ultimately our situation will end in our good. We may not see healing until that time we enter Heaven but we will see healing. It may come sooner but it may not. We suffer but still we seek. We hurt but still we hope. Your feelings in the midst of trial may lie to you but scripture never will.

Ps 40: 1-3 I waited patiently for the LORD: and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.

Patiently. That’s a hard word to swallow. I want the solid rock without the horrible pit, without the miry clay. I want to sing that new song so loud and so clear but I haven’t learned the words yet. Like a butterfly that must struggle to build up the strength in its wings, we too must struggle to have the strength for what’s to come. Sometimes life is hard but we can rest assured God is working. We may suffer but we should never stop seeking. We may hurt but we should always hope. The journey we are on, and its circumstances, isn’t near as important as the One who walks through this journey with us. We have been chosen to walk with Him to specifically live out one of His promises. Keep seeking though you suffer. Keep hoping though you hurt.

1 Peter 5:10 But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

Marsha is happily married to her high school sweetheart with 7 children and one daughter in love. Marsha and her husband, Jeremy, were saved the same night by their bedside 21 years ago. She and her husband are both small business owners and are advocates for keeping your money local and invested in small businesses. In her free time she is a passionate connoisseur of all things chocolate. Any other free time is spent hiding said chocolate from her kids.