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The Last Thing That I Do

January 1, 2023

Burnout.

There have been so many things that have happened in our life the last several months, and this was where I was at.

There were weeks and months I was just on autopilot. Going through the motions because I had to.

I found myself asking the question, “Is it really worth it?” Is it really worth serving the Lord? You give EVERYTHING, all that you are to Him. And there’s always struggle. Nothing is EVER easy. People can live any way they want to and never run into any problems and yet you do what you’re supposed to do, and you just can’t catch a break.

I actually toyed with the idea that no, it’s not worth it.

And then a conversation my husband had with a missionary convicted my heart.

James was telling him that he was just ready to go home, lay down all these problems and just be at rest. The missionary told James, “Well, I’m a little torn on that.” James looked at him a little funny and then he explained. This is the only life he has to serve the Lord. Once we’re home, there’s no more witnessing to a soul about Calvary. There’s no more living for the Lord in the capacity that we have down here. Everything will be perfect. No more pressing toward the prize. Our time will be ended. Our chance to give everything to Jesus or do anything for Jesus will be over.

This is the only life I have to give Him everything.

And here I am complaining that it isn’t worth all the toil and work and hardship and effort.

As we were riding to church this morning, James asked us what we wanted to do differently this year. His answer? To be closer to the Lord.

And in my heart, I said, “NO. What did you just do to our family?” You see, the last time I asked to be closer to the Lord was seven years ago. And He did bring me closer. But it upended my life, our lives, in more ways that I can count. For years now, it was just survival mode. I’m feeling a little better now, and I selfishly have just wanted that to last a little longer. It’s terrifying to think that for us to be drawn even closer to the Lord, that more and harder heartache will probably come.

But so will deeper grace. That has been proven to us over and over. It doesn’t always stop the fear, though.

As we sang this song this morning, I was once again reminded, “Isn’t it worth it? Isn’t all the pain and difficulty and hardship worth it just to lay something at His feet?”

What if this year, 2023, is the last year I have to earn treasures for my Savior?

What if this next month is the last chance I have to tell someone about what Jesus has done for me?

What if my last breath is coming this year? What if Jesus returns?

This could be it.

What if today is the only day left I have to live for the only one who has ever given His life for me?

Well that will definitely change your perspective.

I would’ve come around. I’ve asked the question before. Eventually, I’m reminded that yes, it is worth it. It’s worth everything.

But to actually think that my time is running out. If I lived a million lifetimes, I still couldn’t do enough for Him. There is no pain, no heartache, no bad day, NOTHING that He isn’t worth.

He’s worth my dizziness.

He’s worth leaving everything you and your family is comfortable with and following Him somewhere new and unfamiliar.

He’s worth being misunderstood and talked about. Doubted.

He’s worth the long days and hard nights. He’s worth every tear shed in frustration.

He’s worth the unknown. The scary questions. The things I don’t want to ever face.

He’s worth it all.

And I only have this life to prove it to Him.

It’s not enough.

I think about what that missionary said, and I think, “What a heart for the Lord he has!” To be more concerned with staying down here in this dark, lonely world just to live another day for the Savior.

I can’t wait to reach Heaven’s gate. But with everything that is in me, I want to finish well. Whether I die or He comes back for me, I hope my lips are still singing His praises up until the last moment. I hope that my last thought is not, “Is it worth it?” I hope serving Jesus is the last thing that I do.

No amount of crowns I could earn, no amount of treasure I could bring will be enough. I have so much to do.

That’s what I want for 2023. To live everyday conscious of the fact that once this life is over, my chance is gone. No do overs. No second chances. No coming back down when I see how pitifully small my pile of treasures is.

All I have is the moment I’m in. I’m not promised my next breath. So this year, may each breath, each action, each song, each moment He gives me be lived for Him.

I want to serve Him, if it’s the last thing that I do.

  • Reply
    Haley Trivette
    January 1, 2023 at 8:45 pm

    Thank you for being real🙌🏼 I’ve definitely struggled this year… struggling with knowing He has the power to change my circumstances , but living the same because He won’t. I’ve wanted to quit, sat in some pretty dark and lonely places.
    But He’s faithful; faithful to give me grace🤎
    I sure am thankful for you and your story!
    See you in October, my friend!

  • Reply
    Tina Eudy
    January 1, 2023 at 9:27 pm

    Thank you for sharing your true, raw feelings. It’s so hard when every Christian you know is so upbeat and positive without ever being REAL! I’ve been fighting for over 11 years and I’m still not well. My struggle is very real and sometimes I don’t have the strength to fight. I DON’T HAVE TO! HE SAID HE WOULD FIGHT FOR ME IF I WILL BE STILL. So my Sister, I agree with you…..if it’s the last thing I do, every moment I will praise Him with the breath he gave me. Thank you Jesus!❤️🙌❤️

  • Reply
    Alexis Mueller
    January 2, 2023 at 4:31 pm

    I hope that serving Jesus is the last thing that I do! Thank you for another wonderful blog and song! You have been such a blessing to me! Have a wonderful day and a great year!

  • Reply
    Sharon Smail
    January 3, 2023 at 6:57 pm

    I just love this song!! Thank you for sharing your heart! Do you have the soundtrack or sheet music for “The Last thing that I Do”? Really appreciate your songs…what a blessing!!

  • Reply
    Karen M
    January 4, 2023 at 6:51 am

    What special gifts and talents you have for sharing your heart ❤ and your amazing music 🎵 !!! Most of all, thank you for being real! Sharing your testimony about how God continually uses people & circumstances to change our perspective and remind us that it is truly worth it all to continue seeking Him, serving Him and striving each day to finish well because He gave everything for us! May God continue to truly bless you & yours! Your passion is such a blessing to everyone around you! Karen M

  • Reply
    Ken
    January 7, 2023 at 11:35 am

    Beautiful song! Will you make the music available? I would love to purchase a copy. KenFielder44@gmail.com

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