Words

I sit and stare at a certain wall in my home, almost all day, every day. I made a gallery wall of sorts a while back. I mainly used things I already had, 1 or 2 pieces I got a long time ago from hobby lobby with my 40% off coupon, and some things I made. Years ago, I did this. When you live in an area of your house all day, you kind of really don’t take time to notice or pay attention. It was usually because I was too busy. I was proud of my wall, because I’m not really a great decorator, but this made me happy. (I almost didn’t share the picture because pinterest is full of much, much prettier gallery walls, but it’s mine and God used it today, so there it is.)

Now as I stare at all the words, I realize how true they are. And although I might have not planned for them to be used like they are, God did.

“Enjoy the little things in life.”

I thought I did this, but now I see how much I took for granted. I will never take one step for granted again. One smile, one giggle. One childish, faith-filled prayer, one load of laundry, one dirty dish, one crumb on the floor. Some things are so miniscule, I used to completely miss being thankful for them.

“Family”

It used to be a metal sign in pretty swirly letters. Now it’s home. It’s the people I share my life with. It’s the people who are always there. It’s the people I used to think I truly loved, but now mean even more. I used to think they meant more to me than my next breath. But now, they are my very breath.

“Love lives here”

I bought it for a dollar. A 4×4 little square that I just needed to fill the last empty space on my wall. But I’ve discovered in more ways than I thought possible, Love truly does live here. I used to think love was enjoying someone’s company, not wanting to be away from them, caring about what they like. The starry-eyed, can’t think when I’m around them, kind of love you have when you first get married maybe. But no, love is truly not just for better but for worse. Not just in health, but sickness. Not just for richer, but poorer. We make those vows sometimes, never thinking those things will really come. But love lives here, when your husband has worked all day but still comes home and cooks because you can’t. Love is him buying new clothes for the kids and spending an hour looking for the right sized jeans because he’s never done this before. Love is going through hard times, and still trying to make you laugh. There’s been a lot of sorrow within the walls of this house for the last few years. But love lives here. Because LOVE lives here. God is love, and because He loved us, we can love others the way He does.

“In thy presence is fullness of joy. Psalm 16:11″

I have it written on a flowery chalkboard. I bought it as a mirror at a yard sale. I wanted to use it as a photography prop, so I painted over the mirror with chalkboard paint. Finally it ended up on my wall. I don’t know how many times I’d look at it and think, ‘You’ve had that written on there for years, it’s time to change the verse.” Well I didn’t, mainly because it’s so high up and I didn’t want to take the time to do it. When I first wrote it, I wanted joy in our home. I wanted it filled with His presence. And I took the verse to mean what it said. I’ll be honest, sometimes I’ve had to look really hard for the joy. My mind knows I have absolutely no reason on earth to not be joyful. But there are days when it’s hard to hold onto. I can look back and see though, that there have been moments alone with just Jesus and me, that I have cried tears of joy, in the midst of the deepest pain, because He spoke. And He felt so near that I could touch Him. There is joy in HIS presence. He saw all of that long before I discovered it as a good deal at a yard sale.

“And if not, He is still good.”

This one scares me a little. Because I think, what does it mean that years ago I put up a sign with those words? I made that one. I cut the wood, I sanded it, stained it, distressed it. I chose the words. Or maybe God did. What if God doesn’t choose healing? What if we haven’t found the answer? What if we never do? My husband says I shouldn’t think like that. But I can’t stop the thoughts. I really do try not to dwell on them, but they still come. And almost every time, my eyes are drawn over to this sign. If not, God is good. I’ve had to add to that. Of course God is good. But is He good to me? Is He good at being God? I’m afraid that even though I know the answer to all those questions is a very firm “yes”, my reaction to where He has me tells a different story. God is good, He’s good to me, He’s good at being God, except here, except now. But if I accept that God is good, I must accept He is good all the time, in every situation. Because He doesn’t change. He’s in control.

And then lastly.

“His mercies are new every morning”

I don’t know how many times I look at that through the day and tell myself to just hold on till morning. There’s more. More mercies are coming. But do you ever wake up and feel like as soon as you open your eyes, all those mercies are already used up? In the moments when your mind woke up, but maybe your eyes or body didn’t. I don’t know how it all works really. How many mercies we have each day. If there’s a certain number. I don’t know if we use them all up before the day’s over if we just have to wait for new ones in the morning. I just know somehow, another day comes, another night ends, the sun rises again, and new mercy and new compassions begin again. And they are always enough, even when I feel like I could use more.

Sometimes I think each word on my wall was strategically placed there. Sometimes, I think I’m crazy. Maybe God didn’t really care about all that. That maybe I’m just trying to find content to share on the ol’ blog. I can choose to believe the first one. But I don’t know 100%. On the days when I’m not so sure, I’m glad there are some words I know were put right where they are for right where I am. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. And more than that, I know these words are truth. And I can cling to them. I can believe them. Because the One who wrote them DID strategically plan them. He planned when to let them speak truth to my heart, just when I need it. And here they are:

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God. Psalm 42:11
-He is my Hope when hope is gone-

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27
-He is my Peace when peace is lost-

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.
Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. Psalm 37:23-24
– He is the Hand that keeps me standing-

Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5
– And I’ll never be forsaken-

And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. Mark 4:39
– He is my Calm in stormy waters-

But now, O Lord, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand. Isaiah 64:8
– I’m the clay and He’s the Potter-

He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. Psalm 91:4
-He’s the Truth my faith rests on-

There is none holy as the Lord: for there is none beside thee: neither is there any rock like our God. 1 Samuel 2:2
– He’s good at being God-

And when I think of all that, I know that the words up on my wall were not just haphazardly hung up there. What seemed unplanned and just used out of desperation because it was all I had, was carefully orchestrated by a God who knew before the foundation of the whole world that I would need each one. He’s good at what He does. He’s good to me. He’s always and only, just simply – good.

I finally found a way to share my songs without having to do a video. After 3 long years…. You can listen at the link below.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1d2jAFvGHoL4cXiTX9GYULR-72Z_WvvGS/view

Words & Music ©Faith York 2018